


A Study in Lavender

by d0ct0rd0ct0r



Series: Transstuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Other, Transgender, Transstuck, genderqueer jade, trans boy rose, trans girl dave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-12
Updated: 2012-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-03 12:40:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0ct0rd0ct0r/pseuds/d0ct0rd0ct0r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you were young, you picked the color lavender for yourself. You enjoyed your dancing, your violin lessons. When you were young, girls and boys were never that different and you never noticed anything wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Study in Lavender

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit autobiographical, just saying.  
> Have a bit from Roan's perspective (including Daph coming out). I have another Roan piece in the works, but that's after Homestuck starts and where this really becomes an AU.
> 
> Title is a reference to Sherlock Holmes, of course.
> 
> Trigger warning for a few transphobic slurs used throughout.

Your name is Roan Lalonde and you chose it because it is an exceedingly practical name, given your circumstances. 

Jade knew before anyone else, and ze told you right away how ze felt about it. Harley had always been the flightiest of your friends; you never knew that you could trust and understand zir as much as you do now. Zir preternatural knowledge pushed you in the right direction. You had Jade to lean on, of course, and even if John and Dave abandoned you, Jade would remain. The thought of either of them abandoning you hurt. Dave was like your brother in so many ways (and you did not know about her then); and John had shiny black hair and starry blue eyes like the dawn under the night. Jade comforted you and promised that they would never leave you. 

But you suppose that you should begin, as all things do, at the beginning. 

When you were young, you picked the color lavender for yourself. You enjoyed your dancing, your violin lessons. When you were young, girls and boys were never that different and you never noticed anything wrong. You and your mother shared a closer bond (one that you have come to think of as passive-aggressive on her part) and all you knew was that the grass was soft and you were you. Therefore, you felt guilty when you were eleven and a half years old, disproportionate, and reading about what you thought you were. You weren't gay, of course, because you still liked those of the male persuasion (and identity); you knew what you thought you were, a boy, "female-to-male," but the stories of knowing since childhood cursed you into a state of denial. You enjoyed the color lavender (like your eyes) and you had never felt wrong until your body grew disproportionate. 

Jade confronted you on your thirteenth birthday and came out zirself. Ze liked skirts and flowers, but it was still okay for zir to not feel like a girl. You could like the lavender shade of your text and knitting and still be a boy. So you whispered a name across the chatbox and Jade enthusiastically adopted it. Next, then, your other friends. John was simply confused and made tasteless, vulgar jokes about you growing a penis one day. Dave said that whether you were his sis or his bro, he was chill with you and performed a stupid rap about testosterone. (It took Dave two months to admit that she was a girl to you and Jade. You accepted her immediately.)

Next was your mother, to whom you came out via email, and who was very... reasonable. You were still her child, she reasoned in a drunken fury, and yes, Roan is a very good name for you. She clapped you on the back and the next morning you found black or lavender silk button-down shirts, slacks, and boxers in a neat pile outside your door. Next to them was the passive-aggressive touch that marked your mother, a stack of size-small (you had thankfully never grown out of your 11-year-old A cup bras) lavender sports bras. They were tight and you could not breathe in them, but they were better than nothing. 

(Even when you had panic attacks while dressing and leaving for the public eye, your "girl" bra too embarrassing but your sports bras too tight; your mother, in her passive-aggressive way, calmed you with a softer, looser sports bra that did not outline your chest as much).

You laughed two months before the Game when Daph chose her name. She related stories of her brother mocking the proper Daphne with depictions of the cartoon character in nothing but panties and bikini bras. In response, you wove the tale of a nymph chased by a drunken god and transformed into a laurel tree. Daph, of course, turned lovely Greek mythology into an esoteric rap, but you could not blame her. At this point, John had come around with you; now the only issue was to prevent him from making poorly intended "trap" or "shemale" jokes. Jade took care of that by coming out in full, as zir genderless, careless self.  
John had nothing to say to that. Nor did he have anything to say to Daph and her coming out. 

(You always despised "coming out" because it was not one simple thing like walking out of a closet; it was a large thing like dragging a grand piano through the small door of a closer when you are not quite sure how it had been there in the first place.)

So you are Roan, she is Daph, ze is Jade, and he is John.

You escape in dreams with Daph, where you are yourselves in all realness, and you can talk in private about he and ze. She lets her hair grow long now, ragged at the ends like yours used to be from shabby haircuts in the bathroom. You are free from the burden on your chest, she is free from the burden between her legs. Her hands, as she likes them, are still large and long-fingered, but smoother; yours match, just as smooth but not as small as yours in waking. In lavender silken pajamas on moons in an imaginary land, you become yourselves:  
The Seer of Light and the Knight of Time.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this changing Knight to Warrior, but this was before we knew that Knight was a gender-neutral title!  
> As for Jade? You'll hear about zir class in a later story. Along with everyone else whose classes are different (Aradia and Jack, whose canon identity you can likely guess).


End file.
